Did you know what I discovered recently? I discovered that I am the byproduct of my parents, more specifically my dad and his incessant “good-bad” and “black-white” view of the world. Even more specifically: the following the rules part. I, Lotte, admit to being a rule-follower. I’ll break them from time to time when it suits me, but on average, you could say I’m a freakin’ goody two-shoes. *sigh* Meow.
What do I mean by that exactly? I mean to say that I’ll try to be considerate of others, even when I don’t particularly want to. I’ll just do it, because it’s “the right thing to do”. Especially when it comes to practical shizzle. Like a couple of weeks ago, I was assigned to a group taking the train and I needed to front quite a bit of money on a Go Pass for the entire group. Not exactly the most fun thing to do, to be honest, and some friends gave me the advice to just tell my program manager that I couldn’t pay for it or something. Not only would that have been a blatant lie – okay, fronting ALL of the cash wouldn’t have been easy to tell the truth, but the Go Pass was definitely still okay – but it just felt wrong. Because… Then I’d just be giving someone else that burden of fronting the cash? How would that be better? It’d be better for me, sure, but it didn’t feel “right” to me.
Of course, I’m human and I make mistakes like everyone. Seriously, I don’t pretend to wear a holier-than-thou sort of crown – though some of my friends have crowned me “drama princess”, I’m supposed to get my little pink crown after I pay the membership to the Drama Club. This, just, as a little side note ;-). Ahem. What was I saying? Ah, yes, I’m no saint, but I do wake up every morning, hoping to do better than the day before. I won’t promise that I succeed in that effort, but I try. Because I believe it’s the “right thing to do”. You’ve gotta try. If you don’t try, then what good are you really? How will you grow? How will you ever have a positive impact on someone or something? And, maybe this is the silliest thing to say so far, but how can the world ever be a better place when the individual never looks beyond himself? For those of you wondering what part of the political spectrum I’m at, let there be no more doubt…
However, I can go way overboard in my trying to “follow the rules”, even to the extent where it gets a little embarrassing… Take the example of my train card. I’ve got a train subscription to get to Ghent every week. Everyone with my type of subscription just takes out the card a little bit, has the train conductor “stamp it” and that’s it. But one conductor told me once to really take the card out all the way and unfold it, this to prevent him “stamping” other train rides (ones I haven’t used yet, meant for future use). Only ONE conductor has told me this ONCE over the course of several months. But now, I take out the damn card all the freakin’ way every single time! I see all the other kids NOT doing it, but because I know “it’s the right thing to do”, I do it anyways?! It’s ridiculous. It’s what a goody two-shoes would do. And I totally blame my dad for it. He’s an excessive rule follower and obviously decided to pass on that quality to me.
Whenever I plan something, whenever I do something, whenever I decide anything… I always take into account the full picture. I decided against going to Peru, because my team wished me to stay with them. I saw two amazing opportunities, both mind-blowingly cool, but I chose my team, because… People matter. And I just can’t look at something through my own eyes. I always try and view the full picture, which includes the consequences of my actions towards others. So, yeah, I did what I considered to be “the right thing”. And I guess I’m pretty black and white in that view.
Maybe I’m wrong to make the choices the way I do. I can tell you that I sometimes wished I’d just do what I’d like to do. But I don’t think it would make me any happier. Maybe I believe in karma and I hope that good things will come to those who try to do good themselves. Maybe that’s too philosophical for a Sunday night. But I’ve been on bedrest for over two days now – sprained ankle, the most ridiculous thing evah!! – and painkillers make me pensive. And Ed Sheeran’s I See Fire is presenting me with a perfect backdrop to write this. You just can’t go wrong with some LOTR-spin-off music.
Enjoy this train pic I made last week: sometimes nature makes me believe in bigger and better things…