Wow. Just… Wow. My best friend just told me she’s going to be moving in with her boyfriend next year. They’ll have their own apartment (read: love nest) and basically a whole new life to look forward to. It’s amazing and I cannot tell you how unbelievably happy I am for her. If there’s one person I totally love seeing so blissful, it’s her for sure! :-)
And oh yeah, I’m 23, currently still without a job – okay, technically I also haven’t graduated yet, but yeah whatever – and going absolutely nowhere. Helloooo inadequacy!
This is just crazy. I’m starting to enter that “zone” where your not just your friends, but your close friends are starting to GET A LIFE. And yes, that is a wonderful and totally normal thing to happen. But – and I’m speaking for all people who are in the exact same position as I am – it’s also extremely and excruciatingly frustrating. Because guess what? We would love to be normal! All of us would love to start that life, like our friends are doing. And it’s got nothing to do with jealousy or anything like that – to be honest, I’m nowhere near ready to move in with anyone – but I’m just having one of those moments where I look up towards the sky and wonder “Hey, are you forgetting someone?”.
Those friends of mine with cool job opportunities and amazing relationships and generally just lives that seem to be the ultimate point of happiness… They deserve it. Because everyone deserves happiness. And everyone has to grow up and start dealing with these things. But yeah, I feel left behind sometimes. Which is weird for me, because I’ve always been a front runner.
However… On the other hand… I just look upon this as an opportunity. Because yeah, I have always been a front runner. The first of my friends to get entangled in serious romantic relationships. The first to make a pretty daring move education/career-wise. The first to move to a new city. The first in several areas basically. And it was always a little weird, because I felt like none of my friends were in that same position and while they did give me solid advice, it was just not the same. I often felt uncomfortable. And now… Well… I may still have no clue what the future holds – which is, granted, a little scary – but I’m not worried about it. Or, not too much anyways.
I’m applying for jobs. Hanging out with my friends. And I can go anywhere after I graduate, because there’s no one in particular that’s got me tied down. Which is actually a good feeling, as it gives me the freedom to make any decision I want. And to be honest, I’m soooo not ready to think of someone else’s needs right now. I’m 23 dude, I just want to live my life, thanks. So my best friend moving in with her boyfriend: I’m excited for her. And I wish her the very best. I know we’re never going to lose touch, we’ve been through way too much for that.
So maybe… Maybe I’m not really looking up towards the heavens, wondering why I’m not getting the same things. I’m sure I will one day. But I wouldn’t know what to do with it right now. And I, for one, cannot wait to see what the future holds. Because for me, everything’s still out in the open. Nothing’s been decided. And while that would have freaked me out in the past, it’s pretty damn awesome right now.
So… Goodbyyeee inadequacy. Helloooo opportunity!
And as for those opportunities… This is how I’m trying to find some: