US Politics = Mean Girls

Good evening and welcome back to today’s episode of “Analogies I never thought I would ever have to make”!

I don’t know about you, but I have been watching American politics unfold for a while now. I was shocked when a certain someone got elected, profoundly hurt by his earlier comments that relate to not-so-kittenish features on women and his general horrible demeanor to massively important issues like climate change, LGBT rights etc. The day he got elected, I was genuinely worried about the effects it would have on modern day society. I still am, to be honest.

But I have also found something else. Something I did not quite expect. It’s called humor, folks. Lots and lots of cynical humor. My favourite tv hosts have to be Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah – genuinely, these gentlemen are going through the rollercoaster that is this presidency and it’s absolutely 100% hilarious. I urge you to watch some of their videos online, as the last 3 weeks have brought some of the best television to life, I think.

And it’s also got my own imagination running wild. In particular, I have been struck by how much this presidency reminds me of Mean Girls. You remember Mean Girls? It was this amazing chickflick about 10 years ago, when I was living the teenage life and basically that flick was what everyone was talking about. It was so funny and riddled with one-liners that, to this day, I have found to be very insightful.

mean-girls

  1. The limit does not exist. Remember that one? I sure see it every day now. There’s no limit to outright lying, putting preposterous people in important positions they’re wholly unsuitable for and general craziness all over the place. Just look at the lovely Mar-a-Lago fiasco where the clown was talking about important and highly classified issues in front of his entire guest list?! I mean… Crazy. And let’s not forget the muslim ban he tried to instate. Thankfully checks & balances are a genuine thing, or goodness knows what would have happened. To be continued – obviously.
  2. “Boo you whore!” might not be exactly what he’s saying, but let’s all agree that it’s pretty darn close, right?  Demeaning phrases are thrown at people and whole institutions for no other purpose than to hurt and downplay his own insecurities. It’s sad to think who or what will be next on his hitlist, but you can’t help but already feel sympathy for the unfortunate target. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment, especially not from someone who’s supposed to fulfill a kind of “role model” function. Errhhm. Yeah, not happening.
  3. “That’s why his hair is so big, it’s because it’s full of secrets.”. I mean, I’m talking about a man here, so I’ve changed the “her” to “his”. But otherwise I’m pretty sure it totally applies here. The latest scandal with one of his advisers having to resign after barely 24 days on the job…? You wonder what’s going on and whose orders that man was working on? Did he just find himself off the reservation or was he pushed off of it by the clown at the top? It’s all a big mystery so far – like his tax returns – and hopefully time will tell…

There’s one line in particular from Mean Girls I wanted to include, but that one I’ll have to adapt for sure. See, I distinctly remember there being a strict dresscode for all of the mean girls in the movie. And it seems that clownface has taken this to heart as well, most notably for himself: “On Wednesdays, we wear bathrobes.” Like, amiright? 

It’s crazy to think it’s not even been 4 weeks since he’s taken office and already the whole world has had to do a double-take. You’d think the presidency would be exhausting for, well, the president. But I’m not even a citizen and I’m exhausted beyond belief! So far, I’ve not really been able to protest much, but I have recently enjoyed the offer of the New York Times to subscribe for a full year at 50% off. Some say it’s the “failing nytimes”, others would say its readership is growing in sheer protest… Whatever feels right for you to get your voice heard, don’t be shy. Just go ahead and do it. (But don’t lose all common sense and do somethingstupid, only to go blaming it on me next. I’m not liable for you behavin’ like an idiot. Just making sure you know that.)

Anyways, that’s it from me right now, but if you want some laughs for yourself, check out some of the videos below – they don’t disappoint!

I’ll have a coffee, thanks.

It’s real, guys. Like, some of you already know, but now I am ready to tell the world. My name has been signed on the dotted line at the end of a nice-lookin’ contract. And I am starting work again as early as this coming Tuesday! I am ridiculously excited and overjoyed at the prospect. But before I go into further detail, I want to let you in on the rollercoaster that has been September for me.

Early September things were very exciting. I’d just gotten back from a lovely trip in Belgium, where I was able to fully relax and enjoy some time with my family. Once in London though, the jobhunt was back on! More so, I had a promising lead with an agency. I had built a marketing plan for one of their clients and went to their offices to present it. While nervous, they pretty much loved my presentation and thought me highly skilled. So much so, in fact, that they called me the very same day to offer me a job!

You can imagine me being ridiculously happy, right? I mean… I was beyond happy. Here I was, after being home on the couch for well over 2 months already (technically the first month I was still paid, but “feeling useless” starts as early as the second week of being home, trust me on that) and suddenly there was the light at the end of the tunnel I had been searching for so feverishly! I definitely whooped and, of course, told everyone that my search was over! Congratulated by all of my friends and family, I just had to wait to receive the contract and sign on the dotted line.

Now here is where it gets tricky. I’m not a total whiz when it comes to contracts. I mean, I’ve never seen a “bad one”, so I’m not exactly sure how to identify them. My mom though, who’s been an HR manager for… Longer than I’ve been alive? Not sure. I know she started as a teacher in a very distant past, but I can’t ever remember her being anything other than an HR manager. The last 15 years even a very successful one – somehow we were able to survive on her one pay check for over 12 years with 3 kids… I mean, my dad can be very creative and smart with handling budgets, but still I’m sure her being great at her job had to be part of that equation. So naturally, that means I immediately forwarded my mom the new contract so she could review it and point out anything strange.

And then… There were a lot of strange things. Each strange thing was, in effect, legal and on its own not that harmful. But all together, I mean… It was iffy. And the more I thought about it, the more I questioned it with the company, the more I asked advice from people who know a thing or two about what’s acceptable, my stomach just roiled. This wasn’t a good opportunity. I might learn loads, but under what stress would I be living if I couldn’t even take a sick day, because they were unpaid? Opting out of the Working Time Regulations of 1998 – apparently a standard practice here in the UK with agency work – made me feel very uncomfortable. Because while I’d be all right working as much as the job required me to, that does mean that sometimes you dismiss your body ’til the point where your body says “no”. But then you can’t take sick days? Say what now?!

There was other stuff too, about training I’d have to pay back etc., that just made me come down from that high fluffy cloud I was on to this sad pit of reality. From overjoyed to miserable in three days flat. I don’t recommend it. It’s not something I would want anyone to go through. And yet… In a way it was also a good thing? This is weird, because at the time it was really dreadful to go through. But it taught me something: just because you’re happy at getting an opportunity, it doesn’t mean you need to be blindsided by saying “yes” to crappy conditions. Just because I was starting to become desperate for employment, it didn’t mean I had to simply ask “How high?” when they’d commanded me to jump. I could choose not to jump. And so… I didn’t.

And it was the best thing I ever did. Because well over a week later, I heard back from another company – Cafédirect – that they’d wanted to see me for a second interview. The time between hearing back and that first interview was… Three weeks? At least. So I’d almost given up hope. But now here I was: back in the running and working on another marketing presentation. I presented a week later, I waited a few (nervous!) days and… The rest is almost history already.

Their offer was great, down to the fine print. And I’ll be joining their team on Tuesday. I won’t just be working, but I’ll be learning so much, I’ll be part of a team again and I’ll be coming home each day knowing that my efforts are helping struggling coffee farmers from all over the world. Because Cafédirect gives back up to 50% of its profits to the farmers, something which is well over the necessary requirement to be called “fair trade”. It’s going to be in the city of London as well – no more funny trips to lovely ole’ Luton for me. Instead of just happening to live in this city, I’m going to be an active member in it!

All in all, I couldn’t be more happy, because it feels like a new beginning. As most of you know, the past 12 months have been rough going for me. I was dumped. I faced the insecurity of a planned “re-structure” for months in the office. I survived my old boss, which – for the insiders reading this – was a feat in and of itself. I was then pushed into a position I didn’t want and also very much hated. Simultaneously I was forced to move out of my apartment, leaving great friends and memories behind. And all of it then lead me to the last few months, where unemployment reigned.
I mean… That’s rough. No matter how you try to present it.

So here I am. At the end of those pretty dismal 12 months. And while autumn is taking hold of this country once again, I feel like I am experiencing a new spring. Because I am now ready to start a new job for a company I believe in. (I never actually drank beer, or many alcoholic beverages anyways… Whereas I’m a lover of coffee!) Because I am living in a new flat with a great flatmate. Because I have friends who send me care packages or who come to visit, not London, but me and the only expectation is to chill out together. Because I have family who also send me care packages, who surprise me with trips to Belgium and Germany and who’ve been incredibly supportive through this whole ordeal. Because the past 12 months have taught me loads. I now know I can handle way more than I ever thought possible. And I also know that what they say is true: after rain, there will be sunshine again.

I am ready for a new spring. I hope you are too.

12-months

A perfect day.

The last weekend of August I spent some time at home, in the cute little town I grew up in back in Belgium. And on Friday, at the end of the summer, I am happy to announce I experienced a perfect day.

As you all know, it’s been a tumultuous couple of months lately, with a lot of ups and downs – mostly downs, unfortunately. Which is why my weekend at home was so much sought after, as I had hoped it would give me my much needed reprieve. And my goodness, did it ever?

It was a hot day, swelteringly so. I’d spent the week in my apartment in London, working on a presentation for a company I’d like to get hired for. With the temperatures being what they had been, I was excited beyond belief when my mom and sister suggested “we go to the beach?” on Friday. I jumped at the chance and simply could. Not. Wait!

I’d packed my bikini to Belgium and soon we were off in the car in search of some relief from the blistering heat. Now, for those of you who don’t know Belgium all that well: there’s only about 40 kilometres of coast and it’s ridiculously busy, buildings and people everywhere, not exactly majorly “relaxing” if I’m honest. But, given the chance to jump into the sea, I told myself I didn’t care. Until… My mom suggested a different coast to visit.

Cadzand. About 15 kilometres further down the coast from Knokke-Heist – a famous beachside destination in Belgium – it’s a fairly lesser known beach, just across the border into the Netherlands. School in the Netherlands had already started again by Friday, so the amount of kids we encountered there was far less than we’d been expecting. Additionally, buildings and general “businesses” were… Not really present. Apparently there are laws in the Netherlands that prohibit too many building permits on the coastline, making it idyllic and peaceful beyond your wildest (Belgian) dreams!

The sea was cold. At first. But once the sun came out and my sister and I started happily swimming, I just had the best time! Swimming into the sea, letting ourselves drift back into land – all the while trying to keep our heads above water… The waves sometimes made it difficult, with lots of spluttering and coughing up sea water as a result, all the while laughing our asses off when the other one got a particularly nasty wave in the face! Pahaha, so much fun to be had at the beach!

But swimming in the sea, tanning on the beach while reading a good book… That wasn’t even all of it. There was exactly one restaurant on the beach. Just the one. And given that we were in Zeeland – famous for its mussels – I most heartily indulged into the ah-mazing seafood they served there. My goodness, it was yummy! And I was still in my bikini, all chilled out. Also the sun was shining gorgeously. I kid you not, but it felts as if the world was smiling at me. :-)

Even on the way back home: traffic was barely an issue. I mean: Friday evening on the last weekend of August? No hours of standing still in a hot car? What?! It’s like the universe realised it owed me one. After months of crappiness at work and then the added fever of jobhunting, finally, I was given a perfect day.

A perfect day with my sister and my mom. A perfect day of sunshine. A perfect day… At the beach.

Beach time - copy
A perfect day.

How good is your swipe?

As any singleton living in London, I am all too familiar with the dating world. Or, better yet, the dating hell that is Tinder, Happn, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel – man, the list of dating apps is endless. Sadly, it’s not made it much easier than in the times before mobile phones were even a thing, which you would think is the case. Let me temper your expectations straight away: it’s really really not.

It’s almost a joke to think that in the 21st century – with all its progress and advancements – dating is still as difficult as always. But alas, while we may use dating apps now – which are indeed wonderfully convenient – I cannot begin to tell you how unbelievably impersonal it is! More even: because it’s so impersonal, more often than not the actual date doesn’t even happen. You’re lucky if you even get a decent conversation – let alone a nice evening out on the town. *insert audible groan here*

Ah well, luckily for you, I am in a sharing mood and today I’d like to take you through some enjoyable Tinder conversations I’ve had, because while it’s perceptibly painful, it can also be totally hilarious. Now, if you’re a guy, this may actually help you! Because genuinely, I am not just commemorating the worst offenders here. No, in fact, I am just creating like a hall of fame of “Things shitloads of guys do on Tinder that we – us with the boobs – really wish they didn’t”. And with that introduction, let’s start with this poor lad here, who came up with the cheesiest pick-up line in history:

Tinder 2

I mean… What is up with that? You think that’s going to make me intrigued at your noticeable lack of wit? To be honest, I did laugh, but at the guy, not with, which is an important distinction. Safe to say: this dude is still waiting for me to reply. And he’ll be waiting for a loooong time.

Another hilarious thing that will happen whilst you’re swiping away: these Christian Grey-induced dudes, thinking they’re “tha shiznit” and believing this is totally something that will sweep us ladies off our feet. Like… Really? Seriously, guys complain all the time that the Christian Grey bonanza has set unrealistic relationship goals for women and we now all want mentally scarred billionaires tying us up to get ready for a good spank. Let me tell you now, once and for all: this is not the case!!!

Suffice it to say that, whenever I encounter these idiots, a swipe left occurs immediately. Well, after I’ve taken a print screen, obviously. Because oh yeah, this is beautiful material to share with the girls as we commiserate with each other on the sad desert that represents our love lives.

But I confess, I do feel for some of these guys though. Sometimes it happens that we swipe right and then we match and it’s like… “Ah. Oy, uhh… Well, to be honest I’m not into this guy, now that I’ve thought about it.” But alas, the guy immediately starts making contact! To be fair: it doesn’t happen often that they’ll keep trying after that first unanswered text, but you do have those who are persistent, like this guy who matched my friend the other day:
IMG_3925I mean, if it wasn’t so funny, I would probably think it was sad. As for my friend: she’s not replying in a bid to find out how many more days he can keep this up for. Because, let’s face it, this is entertaining stuff to share!

Sometimes though, miracles do happen and you start a conversation, which is – low and behold – actually enjoyable. Finally, it’s a guy who’s not immediately asking for naked pictures, it’s not a guy in a “happy, open relationship who’s just looking for a bang” and he’s also not going straight for the meet-up, but wanting to get to know you before he’s interested in going for a coffee… I know, after all the depressing madness, you’d started to think these nice guys didn’t exist? Ha!

It doesn’t happen often, but when you do find someone willing to get to know you, there’s only a few things that can derail a great conversation. Sadly though, the following two lads – especially the latter – really couldn’t keep up with me. Maybe I’m asking for a bit much, but I really enjoy intelligent conversation. And while I’m totes happy talking about TV shows, favourite foods and other simple topics, it’s kind of an epic fail if you can’t even keep up with those easy conversation starters.

This first guy here is a classic example: he asked me about my favourite show – which I am super happy to talk about! Obviously at the moment I am all about UnReal, a show I’ve discussed at length on my blog here before. It’s a brilliant sTinder 4how and I cannot stop talking about it, it’s just so good. Unfortunately, this lovely Scot had no idea what “meta” was and figured it was something “highbrow”. I mean… Sure, I’m a literature student and perhaps it is highbrow – you tell me? – but in any case… Given that this is my favourite show right now, it’d be good if you’d at least “pretended” that you understood what I was saying? Oy oy oy! I totally get that not everyone has the same interests and therefore not the same knowledge, but Google is your friend, darlings! So when you are chatting someone up, this is just NOT how you impress someone. I’ll always take “Intelligence for 500, Bob!” Meet me halfway, will ya?

Alas, this other dude also TOTALLY failed at proving he was intelligent. We were talking about speaking different languages and considering my Belgian background, he wondered whether I could speak AND Flemish AND Dutch??? Clearly, he must also believe that Belgium is the capital of Brussels, as that’s the level of his question right there. Major face palming over at my end of the phone, as I audibly groaned while I – once again – wondered whether true love is really a major scam and all my happy couply friends are totally doing me over with this massive joke.

Tinder 5

It’s a depressing world out there, the dating world. I don’t know anyone who enjoys it all that much, as it’s ridiculously embarrassing and increasingly hopeless. And yet… Us singletons persevere in the hopes of one day finding that one person to be with and share our lives with. A feat that many of my friends have succeeded in, yet I am somehow not able to accomplish. But oh well, since fortune favours the brave and all that, I do keep trying. And let’s be honest: there’s a lot to smile about too. Because yes, dear gents, if you embarrass yourselves online, we will share with our girlfriends. And we will laugh.

My personal Beerxit

Last Friday was a momentous day in the history of Great Britain. After months of following the different  campaigns – and reading The Economist to the point where it became my new religion – I thought it was totally clear: the issues the UK is facing have little to nothing to do with its membership to the EU. Most of the problems are the byproduct of several years of austerity and a government that does not seem to be able to tackle issues, such as insecurity and equality. Don’t believe me? Please read this article from an expert – and please, don’t be so stupid as to think you know better than the experts. Because we all know what happens when you do that and no, you shouldn’t be proud of it.

Alas, Britain has voted for Brexit to go ahead, even though it’s become abundantly clear that there is no plan for the future whatsoever. There’s no clear successor to become Prime Minister, Labour is in tatters as Corbyn has just lost a massive no-confidence vote after an already staggering 30+ resignations over the weekend, the pound has fallen to a 30+ years low with but a small recuperation today and the European Union…? Well they’re done with playing nice. They just want Article 50 to be actioned, so they can get on with it. And to be honest: as painful as it’s going to be for both parties, I want them to.

I don’t want all this instability affecting the EU any more than it already has. Literally, I feel this entire business is just a matter of an insipid kid not being able to pass a test and as he goes home to his parents, he exclaims that the teacher never called on him in class during “Show & Tell” – which has absolutely nothing to do with passing the test, mind you. So please, just shut up and get on with it: you’ve pointed the finger at someone else for no other reason than that you dare not take on responsibility for major problems you have not been able to solve – now go lie in the grave you’ve dug yourself. Because the EU deserves better than that, even if I do agree the EU needs to think more on what should be included in its remit and what – inevitably – should remain within the sovereignty of the nations.

As far as Brexit goes though, I had my own personal version of Beerxit last Friday, having handed in my resignation at the company I used to work for about an hour after David Cameron said he’d be resigning. As I’m sure it was for the Prime Minister, it  was a big decision for me as well. Yet in the end, for me, the need for happiness won out. Life is too short to be unhappy. And it is far too short to be investing time and effort into a place that makes you feel like you don’t belong.

To be honest, I think I always knew I didn’t really belong. I’m part of the creative mindset, all about writing, thinking outside of the box, singing at the top of my lungs right after a major dance session. Also I believe in unicorns and I’ll be damned if I ever found someone there who did too… While I’ve always appreciated the strategic thinking of such a major corporation and definitely enjoyed getting to know so many talented people, I always felt like I was missing out: the parts of the business that I was most interested in developing, we kept outsourcing to agencies. Again, I completely understood this, but it means that while I learned a ton of new things and developed skills I will always be lucky to have, I was never able to progress certain aspects that I really wanted to as well.

So now I am like the Leave-campaigners: no clear plan on what is going to come next, though I am developing it in my minds’ eye. In real life, it basically looks like a major calendar on an A2-poster with shitloads of post-its where I am trying to figure out what my next step is going to be. For those of you who know me, I’m sure you can already picture it!

Now, while it is crazy scary, I’ve not slept better in months. While I am definitely worried, I also have not felt more relaxed in what feels like ages. And while it’s been a blow to my self-confidence, I can’t shake this optimistic feeling I’ve got that’s making me smile and look forward to what the future might have in store for me.

Sometimes you have to make a change. And contrary to the Leave-campaign, I knew that remaining a part of that company was not going to help me become a happier, more in-love-with-life type of person. So I jumped off the cliff and while I don’t know what’s at the bottom yet – a hard fall or sweet, blissful water that’ll envelop me back to the surface – I can’t wait to find out. Because at least, when I find out, it’ll be me who will discover what’s next. It won’t be some corporate junkie who’s lost all sense of self. It won’t be a miserable piece of human being with a fake smile permanently plastered on her face. It will be me. And that’s the key.

A yoga-lovin’, crazy-dancin’, unicorn-drawin’ and always-writin’ me.

UnReal is B.A.C.K!

Who cannot remember the ah-mazing tv show from last year’s summer season that made the once “single sad female” network Lifetime famous for something other than its C-rated movies of women in peril? Think abusive husbands and anorexic storylines. No? It’s not ringing any bells? Maybe that’s because the show is a bit off the grid because of its network, however it doesn’t mean that it’s not got a following. Even if a major voice in that following is just… Little old me.

UnReal is back for this year’s summer and the first 3 episodes of the season are IN. Let’s talk about them, shall we? I know it’s mandatory to warn you about spoilers and stuff, but like… If that’s something that’s on your mind, then please, go home and beg for yo momma for all the fucks I don’t give about that. I’m just going to go ahead and dig in!

Things I am already loving as much as I love cake:

  1. The suitor is BLACK! And the show is actually saying it means something real. Given the racial issues in the States over the past few months/years, I find this such a bold choice and definitely a sign pointing to the right direction, the right direction being “we are ALL people and we are ALL equally good/bad”. Skin colour, hair colour, straight teeth or no, none of that has anything to do with who we are as people and whether we love unicorns or not. I am firmly in the “love-unicorns” camp, but I would never not allow anyone entrance into my camp because of the colour of their skin! Now if they were wearing a t-shirt that said “Death to all unicorns” I might feel differently. But surely hair colour won’t have anything to do with coming into my camp.
    What I’m trying to say is: so far, I am loving the black suitor! He’s cute, he’s got a wicked smile and I genuinely love how the show is – in its own meta thinking – turning it into a big deal. Because… It IS a big fucking deal! So yay show!
  2. Rachel is still crazy. So cray cray, in fact, that she got like these weird tattoos together with Quinn at the beginning of the show? Literally they tattooed the words “Money Dick Power” onto their wrists. I’m guessing it’s to show some kind of ya-ya sisterhood thing, but clearly that didn’t last long. Rachel went behind Quinn’s back in zero point three seconds. Who doesn’t love a bit of backstabbing on this show? In any case, Rachel definitely still has the crazy eyes happening and I cannot wait what trouble that’ll cause her next!
  3. The Hot Guy. I’ve already forgotten what his name is, to be honest, but that doesn’t matter, as we will simply always refer to him as the hot guy. For those of you who do actually want to know who I’m talking about: it’s the guy who gets introduced in episode two at the very end. Basically Rachel’s backstabbing was meant so that she would be able to take over the showrunning of Everlasting, though you know what they say about the best laid plans… Instead, Gary brings in The Hot Guy to run the show and man, am I being serious when I’m telling you he’s hot! Also, I am loving the chemistry with Rachel. I wish they would have let it simmer a bit more before moving on to some of the more physical kissing bits, but I guess that’s what you get when shows only receive about 10 episodes a season. Things just move a hella lot faster.
  4. The manipulation. Oh god, it’s so awful to watch and yet it’s so friggin’ good! I do wonder whether it’s close to reality, as obviously one of the main creators of the show used to work on The Bachelor. So clearly she’s used a lot of her real life experience and worked that into the show, it’s just a matter of how much “artistic license” is being used here. In a way, I don’t know what I’d like better: for it to be wholly unreal – thus making the title of the show very correct indeed – or to be so close to reality, that we’d all have to face facts and remember that things like The Bachelor are all staged and thus – you feelin’ me already? – unreal! God I love this show and how meta it is. It’s like candy for my brain!

Things I am pretty dispassionate about, kind of like that feeling of “Oh that movie is on that I used to love as a kid, but then watched so often it got predictable and it’s now pretty nostalgic still, but also I’d be better off reading a good book… Hmm I’ll watch it, it’s fine enough. Also the remote is far away.”

  1. Chet is still around for some reason. He doesn’t look like a washed out loser anymore, as the actor has clearly lost a lot of that overflow fat – good for you! – but alas… He still plays such a loser character? He wants his kingdom back after spending time with some kind of woodlands tribe? How unreal is that? A little too much for me, to be honest. And then he wants bikini babes and slo-mo boobs instead of… The usual Everlasting crap? I mean, both are crap and very disrespectful of human beings, but at least the usual crap is disrespectful to all people, whereas Chet’s notions are only respectful to us with the boobs. The latter being discrimination. I’m not a fan. Also what’s up with the baby? When did he get born? Did I miss the part where he lost custody? Why is the baby even still a storyline? I thought Cynthia divorced him? Why am I supposed to care about this? Meh.
  2. That girl who got promoted after giving Chet a blowjob last season. I can’t remember her name anymore, I’m also not going to make an effort to care. I think she looks really weak and her response to Rachel helping her in her ear while talking to one of the candidates… Oh puh-lease, go away and never come back. I’m annoyed at her presence in the scenes. Is it the pig tails? It might be. They sure don’t help.
  3. Another suitor trying to clean up his image. Obviously, we now have a black suitor in comparison to last year, however this is the second guy who’s only signed up in order to clean up his image – be the gentleman. I get the precipice, but it means that straight from the start you basically have a dick on your hands. A lot of the early scenes with the candidates on the Everlasting show are all staged, all fake, because that’s just what he’s gotta do in order to make the show work for him. But I guess, I don’t know, it’d be a lot more interesting to have a suitor who actually wants to be there??? Is that crazy? Did that ever happen on The Bachelor? I don’t know guys, I think it’d make for an interesting dynamic, because currently it’s the women who are falling head over heals in love with “tha man” and it’s “tha man” who gets his pick of the crop and he doesn’t even care… It makes the feminist in me look sad, maybe?

There might be a few other things, but I’ll save that for some other time. I’m just wondering: are you guys watching, yes, no? What’d you think? How meta – and unreal – is this thing? I cannot wait for next week yo!

GET E.X.C.I.T.E.D:

Showtime: Monday / Tuesday

 

Alright, it’s showtime!

Lol, that was far too easy, but hey, whatever works, yeah? Haha! Anyways, I’m here with Monday and Tuesday: what to watch!

Monday

The Magicians: They’ve been calling this the Harry Potter for adults. I’ve seen the pilot and I’ll be getting on the second episode this evening, but so far… I like what I’ve seen! Again, this newborn will have to go through my 4-episode test, but it seems likely to me that I’ll stick with this one. If only because it’s the only watchable show on a Monday.
The premise is simple: a guy is applying for colleges, but really, he’s stuck in the (fictional) fantasy books of his youth, trying to break free. And then it turns out he’s got magic and gets accepted into a magical university?! Sound familiar? Well, if you dismiss the sex and the drugs and the general apathy of the show, then sure, it’s Harry-freakin’-Potter. But it’s clear to me that beyond “magic” and “school” there will be very little to compare the two with. Obviously no best episode to date yet, but here’s my best line from the pilot:

“Ok, uh… Look, I, I, uh, I really, I don’t wanna be kicked out! And, I really don’t wanna be the guy who dies in the first ten minutes of the movie, because he’s like ‘You know what? Let’s take out the Ouija-board, what could POSSIBLY go wrong?!'”

the-magicians-trailer-screencap

Tuesday

The Flash: The younger sibling of Arrow, this show has been on the air for almost two years now. While initially a bit sceptical, I am now a reformed fan! Arrow is a very dark show – I’ll come on to that on Wednesday – and The Flash… Well it’s so optimistic and “fun!” in comparison! So yes, at first I was sceptical, thinking it was going to be way too immature. However, I have seen the light for some time now and damn, I so enjoy these episodes?! They’re just so happy. Cisco is by far my favourite character! His naming abilities of all the different meta-humans make me laugh every time. Oh and it doesn’t hurt that Barry is played by the pretty cute Grant Gustin. I mean, am I right ladies?

Best episode to date: season 1, “Out of Time”
Best line to date: “Turtle… Why do you insist on giving them ridiculous nicknames?” – “Me? Who’s the genius who came up with Zoooom!?” HAHAHAHA I laughed so hard after this line, my flatmates thought I was crazy! That’s probably just another Tuesday for them, seeing as it’s always me who’s caught doing something silly. Anyways, this quote was actually from last week’s episode – so probably not the best line – but I was laughing so hard y’all, honestly I needed to put this in there or my conscience would not be pleased.

Teen Wolf: This used to be a staple on Monday nights, but it’s moved to Tuesday in this most recent season 5B. Now, on to why I love, love, LOVE this show: it’s freakin’ Teen Wolf  y’all!!! Why does this still need an explanation in 2016? Hell, that just ain’t right. If you’re not gonna watch for Dylan O’Brien alone – which in itself is reason enough, lemme tell ya – then please watch it for the sheer craziness and boldness that is Teen Wolf. It is funny, it is heartbreaking, it is daring, it is everything you want it to be and so, so much more. And best of all: it never forgets that the central part of the story revolves around its characters. Not whatever crazy plot line they’ve conjured up, not any old big bad they’ve dredged out of the deep, not anything except for the friendship that exists between these teenagers. And yeah, a whole hell of a lot of supernatural stuff in the mix. But the people in it, that’s what matters here. If you are not watching this show, you are doing it wrong.

Best episode to date: Season 3B, “Insatiable” – R.I.P. Girl.
Best line to date: “Missing and presumed dead, Scott. Because he was probably a virgin. You know who else is a virgin? ME. I’m a virgin, okay? You know what means? It means my lack of sexual experience is now literally a threat to my life, okay. I need to have sex. Like right now. Someone needs to have sex with me, like today. Like someone needs to sex me right now!”

For your amusement – this is totally the scene when I knew I’d forever be sticking with Teen Wolf:

The Expanse: Can it be true? Can we finally have another contender from SyFy for the crown of the ever-reigning Battlestar Galactica??? BSG was amazing, you guys. It was such an epic show, I totally loved it! And ever since, many a show have tried – here’s looking at you Defiance – but none have reached that same level of intricate complexity that sets your teeth on edge! And yet, here we are, 7 episodes into the first season and I am very much enjoying this shiznit. There’s some serious deep space going on, Earth seems a bit of a bully, Mars is bad-ass and there’s people living in an asteroid belt. Let me, uh, repeat that again so it really sinks in: there’s people… Living… In an ASTEROID BELT! Yes. Exactly. That’s enough said. This one’s withstood my 4-episode test: I am in it for the full season! Now let’s hope it’s so awesome that it gets renewed for a second season – this is always a fear commonly associated with freshman shows…

Best episode to date: Season 1, “CQB”
Best line to date: “Remember the Cant”

Pretty Little Liars: Sooo… This one has a very personal backstory to it. And I might as well tell you, or otherwise you won’t understand why I – still – watch this show, when it’s gone so decidedly downhill along the years.
Once upon a time, I was still in high school. There was a girl in my class, who, like me, was binge-watching American TV shows before “binge-watching” was even a thing. Most kids in my class were concerned with going to parties over the weekend, going shopping… I was spending my money on the next dvd box I could get my hands on! Priorities, lemme tell ya. And here was this girl, we weren’t all that close, but when it came to TV shows… Man, we could tell stories?! It was great, you know?
When college came around, she went her way and I went mine. But we both studied at the same university, at the same Arts faculty. So from time to time, we’d pass each other in the hall way and go back to our one common topic: TV shows. She kept trying to persuade me to pick this up: a show about high school girls who were ridiculously pretty and constantly in danger from this threat called ‘A’. To be honest, it took me a long time to get interested, in the end the only reason I caved was because I had nothing to do during summer, so I decided to give it a go.
To my surprise – and her delight – I actually did like it! It was the grandest of shows, but it was alright. Pretty fun. Some good storylines and yeah, in the end, I was pretty captivated by it. So now we had another TV show to talk about – I couldn’t believe it when she told me she was a fan of Ezria, – Ezria of all things?! The most gross relationship ever aired on television, I kid you not. But fine, I could tolerate it. And in between our quick chats in the hallway, life continued.
Until it didn’t. Not for her. Because she died before her 21st birthday. She walked out of her door one day and suffered a heart attack. She fell on the sidewalk and her brain was deprived of oxygen for several minutes. She slipped into a coma. Days later, her family pulled the plug. And she passed away.
So that’s why I still watch, to this day, Pretty Little Liars. Even though the quality has severely gone down over the years. Even though the storylines are convoluted as hell. Even though no one looks that good in real life. I keep watching the show.
Because she can’t.

Best episode to date: Season 4, “Free Fall” – because it is FINALLY revealed what a creep Ezra is!!! Vindication, my friends, vin-di-ca-tion!
Best line to date: “Don’t look at me, I’m ready to hang a sign, ‘Bitch can see!'” because what else could it possibly be?

See you – hopefully tomorrow – for a Wednesday re-hash of all the best shows out there currently in this #PeakTV landscape.

Cheerio!

-L.