Friday struggles

 Happy Friyay!

Or, if you’re in any way like me: Happy-oh-my-gosh-the-sleep-deprivation-from-the-entire-week-has-now-really-come-back-to-bite-me-in-the-ass day! People who go out and party on Friday nights: nothin’ but respect for y’all. Honestly, I am exhausted. A whole week’s worth of tiredness catches up with me on Friday and when I get home tonight, I will draw a hot bath and then chill the f*ck out. Because that is all my brain will allow me to do. And that brings me to the stuff that keeps me upright on a Friday.

  • I distinguish between Friday Lotte and Monday Lotte. See, Friday Lotte is very tired. She’s exhausted, actually. She tried going to bed even earlier during the week, but constantly tossing and turning and waking up in the middle of the night on many consecutive nights has negated that effort. And Friday Lotte wants nothing more but a few more hours of blissful sleep. Alas! Just because it’s Friday, it doesn’t mean there is no more work to be done!
    But here’s where Friday Lotte shows her cunning: see, there are things on her to-do-list at work that… Well… Can wait until Monday, right? Especially when it’s getting to be close to like, 3 or 4pm on a Friday: any emails that still come in can easily be picked up by Monday Lotte. She’s got tons of energy! Why bother poor old Friday Lotte with that? That’s just cruel and unusual punishment, I daresay! Sure, Monday Lotte really can’t stand Friday Lotte for being such a slacker. But it’s Friday and I don’t care yo. Wake me up when it’s time to go home.
  • Another weird thing I do – and it tends to happen more often on Fridays, though any sleep-deprived day will do – is… Forget what I am doing. Like seriously: it will be early morning and I’m in the bathroom. I’ve just washed my face and the toothbrush is right there. All I need to do is see the difference between my face wash tube and my toothpaste tube. And yet… Sometimes I fail. And I notice that “this toothpaste tastes odd yo?!”. Always a sad moment. A sad lapse in judgment. Thankfully, I have started getting better at this one.
    However, lately a new development has been creeping up. It goes something like this: I’ll be brushing my teeth – with actual toothpaste, thank goodness! – in the bathroom. And then… Somehow I’m doing the rinse-and-spit-bit in the kitchen sink? Like I’ll be leaning over the kitchen sink going “wait, this looks like it’s aluminum, instead of a nice white sink in the bathroom? How on earth did I get here?! When did my body decide to start walking around the flat?!” It’s not a massive issue to be honest, but disorienting as f*ck, let me tell ya. Those precious minutes between starting in the bathroom and ending up in the kitchen are GONE. I may have solved world peace in those minutes and I wouldn’t be able to take credit for it – I just wouldn’t even remember doing it. Which is so sad really.

  • The war in my head is also a weird thing, but probably recognisable to many. Like this morning: my alarm goes off, yet I can feel my eyelids being glued shut. Somehow I manage to turn off my alarm – half blind – and then it’s this shit:
    “Come on Lotte, one more day! You can do this! It’s Friday for crying out loud! Just get out of bed, get to work early and then you can leave early too! Such a win-win situation, don’t make this harder on yourself, ok? Please? Come on… No, don’t turn around. I really wish you wouldn’t fluff the pillow under your head like that. No, come one, it’s extra comfy this way – and it makes it extra hard to pull away too! F*ck you’re such a masochist. Can you maybe not go back into the dream you were having?!
    Yes, I know it was weird. Like a very weird dream. It made zero sense at all. You were at the house from the woman who used to babysit you when you were 3 years old, and her daughters were there and you were telling people about your banana oat cookies. Your banana oat cookies of all things?! Like it was a religion of some sort. Something people needed to “believe in”. Say what?! But the group who was surrounding you like you were some kind of guru, they didn’t want to believe you. So your sister got involved to get your family members there, because they were already converted to your banana oat cookies and your dad was talking about how the banana oat cookies “were special and made such a difference and…”  – DAMNIT stop going back to dreaming! You need to WAKE UP! Oh you are such an idiot! You have been in this bed for 40 minutes. 40 MINUTES since your alarm went off! There’s no way of getting to work early now. No early day for you, no sir. Masochist. That is what you are. Why on earth did you decide to get a mattress from John Lewis? Memory foam, like really, was that necessary? And a down mattress topper. You have made this into the perfect prison. Your bed is heaven and you are a fool. A lazy, sleepy fool.
    [pause]
    Aaaallright. That’s it. Getting up now. You amazing. You go girl. You a friggin’ QUEEN.”
  • Enjoying the quiet on public transport and doing literally nothing, is one of my favourites on Friday. Normally, on my morning commute, I’ll be checking emails, reading the newspaper or a book, listening to music or a podcast, watching Late Night shows with Stephen Colbert on Youtube… Tons of stuff, like seriously. My route takes me pretty much overground instead of underground, so I tend to never lose my 4G. And with 10 gigs a month to enjoy, I am connected at all times!
    And then Friday hits. And my mind goes blank. It’s just struggling to hold on to dear life and making it to work – which I am now officially late for, due to the weird dreaming and the fluffing up of the pillow and yeah… I knew that was going to happen, but it didn’t stop me from enjoying more time in my bed unfortunately.
    So here I am, running to catch the Overground train to Highbury and Islington – if I miss this one, I will be even more late than what can be considered “just a few minutes late” – and I’m pushing my legs to do things I really have no way of justifying – my poor, listless body. So exhausted and now pushed to do more than just walk around like a zombie? Mean mean mean.
    Anyways, I’m on the Overground now and I am simply enjoying the stare. No music. No reading material. No nothing. And because it’s London, nobody tends to be talking in the morning. It’s odd when someone over the age of 5 is making any sounds. Just being on the phone is frowned upon by all (silent) passengers. The morning is for your inside voice only, preferably even no voice at all. I am telling you: it is bliss. Just purely letting my mind STOP. I love it. Just quiet. That’s what a Friday morning calls for.
    One morning, my flatmate was on the bus with a woman whose kid was talking. I’m not even sure the kid was talking loudly, it was just talking, you know? Such a no-go. But then the mom apparently started shushing the child, explaining in a whisper that “this was a quiet bus, so hush and don’t talk until we get off, okay?”. That’s good parenting, let me tell ya.

So that’s it. A quick recap of my Friday struggles. I mean, I’m probably just weird. But something tells me…

I am not the only one – amiright?

US Politics = Mean Girls

Good evening and welcome back to today’s episode of “Analogies I never thought I would ever have to make”!

I don’t know about you, but I have been watching American politics unfold for a while now. I was shocked when a certain someone got elected, profoundly hurt by his earlier comments that relate to not-so-kittenish features on women and his general horrible demeanor to massively important issues like climate change, LGBT rights etc. The day he got elected, I was genuinely worried about the effects it would have on modern day society. I still am, to be honest.

But I have also found something else. Something I did not quite expect. It’s called humor, folks. Lots and lots of cynical humor. My favourite tv hosts have to be Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah – genuinely, these gentlemen are going through the rollercoaster that is this presidency and it’s absolutely 100% hilarious. I urge you to watch some of their videos online, as the last 3 weeks have brought some of the best television to life, I think.

And it’s also got my own imagination running wild. In particular, I have been struck by how much this presidency reminds me of Mean Girls. You remember Mean Girls? It was this amazing chickflick about 10 years ago, when I was living the teenage life and basically that flick was what everyone was talking about. It was so funny and riddled with one-liners that, to this day, I have found to be very insightful.

mean-girls

  1. The limit does not exist. Remember that one? I sure see it every day now. There’s no limit to outright lying, putting preposterous people in important positions they’re wholly unsuitable for and general craziness all over the place. Just look at the lovely Mar-a-Lago fiasco where the clown was talking about important and highly classified issues in front of his entire guest list?! I mean… Crazy. And let’s not forget the muslim ban he tried to instate. Thankfully checks & balances are a genuine thing, or goodness knows what would have happened. To be continued – obviously.
  2. “Boo you whore!” might not be exactly what he’s saying, but let’s all agree that it’s pretty darn close, right?  Demeaning phrases are thrown at people and whole institutions for no other purpose than to hurt and downplay his own insecurities. It’s sad to think who or what will be next on his hitlist, but you can’t help but already feel sympathy for the unfortunate target. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment, especially not from someone who’s supposed to fulfill a kind of “role model” function. Errhhm. Yeah, not happening.
  3. “That’s why his hair is so big, it’s because it’s full of secrets.”. I mean, I’m talking about a man here, so I’ve changed the “her” to “his”. But otherwise I’m pretty sure it totally applies here. The latest scandal with one of his advisers having to resign after barely 24 days on the job…? You wonder what’s going on and whose orders that man was working on? Did he just find himself off the reservation or was he pushed off of it by the clown at the top? It’s all a big mystery so far – like his tax returns – and hopefully time will tell…

There’s one line in particular from Mean Girls I wanted to include, but that one I’ll have to adapt for sure. See, I distinctly remember there being a strict dresscode for all of the mean girls in the movie. And it seems that clownface has taken this to heart as well, most notably for himself: “On Wednesdays, we wear bathrobes.” Like, amiright? 

It’s crazy to think it’s not even been 4 weeks since he’s taken office and already the whole world has had to do a double-take. You’d think the presidency would be exhausting for, well, the president. But I’m not even a citizen and I’m exhausted beyond belief! So far, I’ve not really been able to protest much, but I have recently enjoyed the offer of the New York Times to subscribe for a full year at 50% off. Some say it’s the “failing nytimes”, others would say its readership is growing in sheer protest… Whatever feels right for you to get your voice heard, don’t be shy. Just go ahead and do it. (But don’t lose all common sense and do somethingstupid, only to go blaming it on me next. I’m not liable for you behavin’ like an idiot. Just making sure you know that.)

Anyways, that’s it from me right now, but if you want some laughs for yourself, check out some of the videos below – they don’t disappoint!