US Politics = Mean Girls

Good evening and welcome back to today’s episode of “Analogies I never thought I would ever have to make”!

I don’t know about you, but I have been watching American politics unfold for a while now. I was shocked when a certain someone got elected, profoundly hurt by his earlier comments that relate to not-so-kittenish features on women and his general horrible demeanor to massively important issues like climate change, LGBT rights etc. The day he got elected, I was genuinely worried about the effects it would have on modern day society. I still am, to be honest.

But I have also found something else. Something I did not quite expect. It’s called humor, folks. Lots and lots of cynical humor. My favourite tv hosts have to be Stephen Colbert and Trevor Noah – genuinely, these gentlemen are going through the rollercoaster that is this presidency and it’s absolutely 100% hilarious. I urge you to watch some of their videos online, as the last 3 weeks have brought some of the best television to life, I think.

And it’s also got my own imagination running wild. In particular, I have been struck by how much this presidency reminds me of Mean Girls. You remember Mean Girls? It was this amazing chickflick about 10 years ago, when I was living the teenage life and basically that flick was what everyone was talking about. It was so funny and riddled with one-liners that, to this day, I have found to be very insightful.

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  1. The limit does not exist. Remember that one? I sure see it every day now. There’s no limit to outright lying, putting preposterous people in important positions they’re wholly unsuitable for and general craziness all over the place. Just look at the lovely Mar-a-Lago fiasco where the clown was talking about important and highly classified issues in front of his entire guest list?! I mean… Crazy. And let’s not forget the muslim ban he tried to instate. Thankfully checks & balances are a genuine thing, or goodness knows what would have happened. To be continued – obviously.
  2. “Boo you whore!” might not be exactly what he’s saying, but let’s all agree that it’s pretty darn close, right?  Demeaning phrases are thrown at people and whole institutions for no other purpose than to hurt and downplay his own insecurities. It’s sad to think who or what will be next on his hitlist, but you can’t help but already feel sympathy for the unfortunate target. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment, especially not from someone who’s supposed to fulfill a kind of “role model” function. Errhhm. Yeah, not happening.
  3. “That’s why his hair is so big, it’s because it’s full of secrets.”. I mean, I’m talking about a man here, so I’ve changed the “her” to “his”. But otherwise I’m pretty sure it totally applies here. The latest scandal with one of his advisers having to resign after barely 24 days on the job…? You wonder what’s going on and whose orders that man was working on? Did he just find himself off the reservation or was he pushed off of it by the clown at the top? It’s all a big mystery so far – like his tax returns – and hopefully time will tell…

There’s one line in particular from Mean Girls I wanted to include, but that one I’ll have to adapt for sure. See, I distinctly remember there being a strict dresscode for all of the mean girls in the movie. And it seems that clownface has taken this to heart as well, most notably for himself: “On Wednesdays, we wear bathrobes.” Like, amiright? 

It’s crazy to think it’s not even been 4 weeks since he’s taken office and already the whole world has had to do a double-take. You’d think the presidency would be exhausting for, well, the president. But I’m not even a citizen and I’m exhausted beyond belief! So far, I’ve not really been able to protest much, but I have recently enjoyed the offer of the New York Times to subscribe for a full year at 50% off. Some say it’s the “failing nytimes”, others would say its readership is growing in sheer protest… Whatever feels right for you to get your voice heard, don’t be shy. Just go ahead and do it. (But don’t lose all common sense and do somethingstupid, only to go blaming it on me next. I’m not liable for you behavin’ like an idiot. Just making sure you know that.)

Anyways, that’s it from me right now, but if you want some laughs for yourself, check out some of the videos below – they don’t disappoint!

Sympathy for the devil

I’m not sure what I should call it. It’s not merely an interest, I would say. Nor an obsession – seems a little heavy. A passion also feels wrong somehow. But it’s definitely something that’s been on my mind: the world wars.

Of late, I think of the wars, the impact they’ve had, the people involved, the decisions made, the ramifications that still reverberate to this very day. And the possibility of it happening again. Maybe it’s Trump. Maybe it’s Brexit. But to me, I feel a stirring in the world. Something’s changed. Something’s different. It’s like we’re on the brink of something and it’s put me on edge.

Whatever it is, it’s made me look into both real accounts and fictionalised stories, detailing these wars. My latest venture into the foray of European and American misery has been The Man in the High Castle, which just had season 2 drop in its entirety on Amazon Prime. I’d seen the first season last year, thought it was “nice”, figured I’d go for season 2 when it came out, but kind of left it at that.

This weekend, I re-viewed the first season, to get myself back into this horror world where the Nazis and the Japanese agressors won instead of the Allied forces. Season 1 is… Scary, sure, but mostly very far removed from our own reality. The evil guys very much feel like the evil guys. And the resistance are easy to sympathise with, imagining they are “us”, the viewers. Which is exactly why I used to think this was a “nice” show in the past. It was all very clear cut and dry. No excessive thinking required.

But now… Season 2 has changed things. The agressors have been humanised. There’s a bigger picture. I don’t know when it happened, but gradually throughout these past 48 hours I have started to root for the man who gassed a woman and her two kids early on in season 1 without a real cause. And the man at the head of the SS in the American Reich has become someone I look up to, someone I admire for his strength and even his values. Naturally, it’s partly the actors delivering on outstanding material that makes it easy to sympathise with the devils. But it’s also the humanisation of monsters. In a way, you could say, every monster has a soul. Somewhere. Hidden deep inside, underneath layers and layers of filth, struggling to survive. But survive it always does. And that’s a scary thought: because are monsters still monsters when we know they have souls?

And that raises another interesting question: is it right of us to easily vilify anyone we feel acts as a monster? Do they not also have a soul? A good side? A side worthy of a chance, no matter how slim it is, at a better life? At the end of season 1, one of the characters makes a decision based on that very belief: thinking that no matter what someone else has done, they deserve a shot. She bets on hope. She bets on people. She bets on a better future, no matter how unlikely it is. And for argument’s sake, the show has proved her right to do so. Her actions reverberate into season 2 and, in the end, help save millions of lives.

I remember thinking, a year ago, that The Man in the High Castle was a piece of dystopian fiction. Most people might still view it as such, even after the realisation that some of the shows’ worst nightmares are human beings with people they love and who they want to protect. But I, for one, will definitely no longer see it as dystopian. Because no matter how bad it gets in the Pacific States or the American Reich, no matter the hatred and fear some of the characters have to endure, there’s at least one woman who continues to believe in her fellow men. I fail to see anything dystopian in that. I find that belief of hers to be very utopian indeed. And we could use some of that in our own lives, I’d say.

Wouldn’t you agree?

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What to watch on a Sunday

Hi y’all!

I seem to keep making promises about being better on here and apologising every time I haven’t written in a while and… Ya know what? Enough already. So I’m a writer who only writes on occasion. Better that I have something to say than that you waste 10 precious minutes, no?

So today, let’s talk about this new year and how #PeakTV is absolutely killin’ the TV landscape out there! Holy shizzle there’s some good stuff out there! So let me tell you what’s on my watch list. I wanted to do it all in one go, but I got to Tuesday and realised… Well, I watch a shit ton of shows? So to make this a bit more bearable, I’ll cut it into a few days at a time.

Let’s start with the beautiful day of rest – and coincidentally amazing TV day – my beloved Sunday:

The Good Wife: a show that’s on its seventh season now – and presumably its last – and one I have followed since its inception in 2009. Man, that’s so long ago? That’s when I started college y’all! It feels like a freakin’ lifetime ago, to be honest. And the show has had its ups and downs throughout the years. Season 1 will always be a bit of a procedural that doesn’t seem to have a lasting effect on people. At that point, its only advantage compared to Suits is that you actually learn something about the American legal system. But holy mother of evolution: by the time we got to season 5, I couldn’t believe how amazing it was! People, this is a show that isn’t afraid to re-evaluate and shake things up in a big way. More importantly, it also “knows” what kind of show it is, so expect some more meta-episodes towards the latter seasons.

Best episode to date: season 5, “Hitting the Fan” – Note: I miss Will!
Best line to date: “We’re coming after you — all your clients — every single one we worked to make happy while you swept in at the last minute to take credit. We’re taking them. And then you know what you’ll have? A very nice suite of offices.”

Madam Secretary: in its second year since the fall, this is something I’ve been watching because of its feel-good vibes. The stakes are (supposedly) high, but I’m never worried, as the happy ending is always present. Can’t think what my favourite episode would be here, but I did quite like the latter episodes of the first season. Just those Henry-storylines always bug me: he’s not that interesting, show!!! Please don’t try to make him so, because it ain’t gonna work. Such a different role from his past in Private Practice. I’m just not very impressed with him here. But I like Leoni’s glasses and how they’re constantly used as this prop for when she’s “serious” and in business-mode. Like, I do that too! However, does it feel like they’re slightly too low on her nose? She cannot be getting great sight through those, am I right?
Anyways, this is not a must-watch, but feel free if you’ve got the time.

Billions: I’ve only watched two episodes so far, as this baby is brand new! It’s therefore not withstood the famed 4-episode test yet, so I will not tell you to watch this for now. But I’d be keen to hear what you think of it. It seems our ex-Homeland, ex-Wolf Hall Damian Lewis seems to be the perfect anti-hero: he’s clearly going to be the one getting chased for his greed in the hedgefund business, but let’s face it, we’ll still be rooting for him anyways. He’s a stand-up guy who worked his way up from nothing – who now owns balls the size of Texas with all the money he’s earned over the years. That speech where he makes this down-on-its-luck family take $9 million instead of the promised $25 because he once got fired from his caddy-gig at a golf club by the grandfather?! Priceless, I tell ya. Also, I don’t trust men who like to be peed on. Chuck Rhodes, that’s disgusting man! I will never root for you or your beard!

Best line to date: “You need this 9 million dollars, because none of you, not one, has done a single day of work from the moment your miserable prick of a grandfather fell face down in the sand in Palm Beach. And after reviewing your holdings, your business interests, your debts, I know that this cheque is the only thing standing between your family and bankruptcy. So pick it up, put it in your pocket and walk out of here. Or I will.”

Mercy Street: Another new show, started just last week, so only 2 episodes to date. However what I’ve seen so far seems very promising. Set in the US of A during one of its darkest periods, the Civil War, this show is about a war hospital where soldiers from both sides get treated.
We’re in occupied Alexandria – a state that it’s in the South, so it’s the Yankees who are occupying the place – where a hotel has been converted into a hospital. There’s two nurses from either side present: a can-do widow from the North and a luscious Southern belle who makes you think of Scarlett O’Hare when she was still all innocent and naive. Surprisingly, I found AnnaSophia Robb here – most known for The Carrie Diaries, may it rest in peace – with a pretty darn good Southern accent! So far the show hasn’t broken any dishes yet, but it’s good entertainment and I like many a good period piece!
And honestly, it’s refreshing to watch one that’s, for once, not set in England. I’m all for Downton Abbey, Outlander, Wolf Hall, The Tudors, The White Queen… See what I mean? None of them go beyond those island borders. And I, for one, like to see something else. And considering all the racial issues prevalent in the USA right now, I’m eager to see more of a show that centers on a war, which – let’s be honest – had a lot to do with abolishing slavery. I’ll keep you posted!

Best line to date: “It is a hospital! For sick people! Blood is not grey or blue, madam. It’s all one colour.”
A bit strange coming from the man who’s not all for freeing slaves, but at least the doc is clear on helping everyone who comes through those doors, may it be Union or Confederacy.

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In the flesh: our Southern Belle

Showtime: Monday / Tuesday

 

Alright, it’s showtime!

Lol, that was far too easy, but hey, whatever works, yeah? Haha! Anyways, I’m here with Monday and Tuesday: what to watch!

Monday

The Magicians: They’ve been calling this the Harry Potter for adults. I’ve seen the pilot and I’ll be getting on the second episode this evening, but so far… I like what I’ve seen! Again, this newborn will have to go through my 4-episode test, but it seems likely to me that I’ll stick with this one. If only because it’s the only watchable show on a Monday.
The premise is simple: a guy is applying for colleges, but really, he’s stuck in the (fictional) fantasy books of his youth, trying to break free. And then it turns out he’s got magic and gets accepted into a magical university?! Sound familiar? Well, if you dismiss the sex and the drugs and the general apathy of the show, then sure, it’s Harry-freakin’-Potter. But it’s clear to me that beyond “magic” and “school” there will be very little to compare the two with. Obviously no best episode to date yet, but here’s my best line from the pilot:

“Ok, uh… Look, I, I, uh, I really, I don’t wanna be kicked out! And, I really don’t wanna be the guy who dies in the first ten minutes of the movie, because he’s like ‘You know what? Let’s take out the Ouija-board, what could POSSIBLY go wrong?!'”

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Tuesday

The Flash: The younger sibling of Arrow, this show has been on the air for almost two years now. While initially a bit sceptical, I am now a reformed fan! Arrow is a very dark show – I’ll come on to that on Wednesday – and The Flash… Well it’s so optimistic and “fun!” in comparison! So yes, at first I was sceptical, thinking it was going to be way too immature. However, I have seen the light for some time now and damn, I so enjoy these episodes?! They’re just so happy. Cisco is by far my favourite character! His naming abilities of all the different meta-humans make me laugh every time. Oh and it doesn’t hurt that Barry is played by the pretty cute Grant Gustin. I mean, am I right ladies?

Best episode to date: season 1, “Out of Time”
Best line to date: “Turtle… Why do you insist on giving them ridiculous nicknames?” – “Me? Who’s the genius who came up with Zoooom!?” HAHAHAHA I laughed so hard after this line, my flatmates thought I was crazy! That’s probably just another Tuesday for them, seeing as it’s always me who’s caught doing something silly. Anyways, this quote was actually from last week’s episode – so probably not the best line – but I was laughing so hard y’all, honestly I needed to put this in there or my conscience would not be pleased.

Teen Wolf: This used to be a staple on Monday nights, but it’s moved to Tuesday in this most recent season 5B. Now, on to why I love, love, LOVE this show: it’s freakin’ Teen Wolf  y’all!!! Why does this still need an explanation in 2016? Hell, that just ain’t right. If you’re not gonna watch for Dylan O’Brien alone – which in itself is reason enough, lemme tell ya – then please watch it for the sheer craziness and boldness that is Teen Wolf. It is funny, it is heartbreaking, it is daring, it is everything you want it to be and so, so much more. And best of all: it never forgets that the central part of the story revolves around its characters. Not whatever crazy plot line they’ve conjured up, not any old big bad they’ve dredged out of the deep, not anything except for the friendship that exists between these teenagers. And yeah, a whole hell of a lot of supernatural stuff in the mix. But the people in it, that’s what matters here. If you are not watching this show, you are doing it wrong.

Best episode to date: Season 3B, “Insatiable” – R.I.P. Girl.
Best line to date: “Missing and presumed dead, Scott. Because he was probably a virgin. You know who else is a virgin? ME. I’m a virgin, okay? You know what means? It means my lack of sexual experience is now literally a threat to my life, okay. I need to have sex. Like right now. Someone needs to have sex with me, like today. Like someone needs to sex me right now!”

For your amusement – this is totally the scene when I knew I’d forever be sticking with Teen Wolf:

The Expanse: Can it be true? Can we finally have another contender from SyFy for the crown of the ever-reigning Battlestar Galactica??? BSG was amazing, you guys. It was such an epic show, I totally loved it! And ever since, many a show have tried – here’s looking at you Defiance – but none have reached that same level of intricate complexity that sets your teeth on edge! And yet, here we are, 7 episodes into the first season and I am very much enjoying this shiznit. There’s some serious deep space going on, Earth seems a bit of a bully, Mars is bad-ass and there’s people living in an asteroid belt. Let me, uh, repeat that again so it really sinks in: there’s people… Living… In an ASTEROID BELT! Yes. Exactly. That’s enough said. This one’s withstood my 4-episode test: I am in it for the full season! Now let’s hope it’s so awesome that it gets renewed for a second season – this is always a fear commonly associated with freshman shows…

Best episode to date: Season 1, “CQB”
Best line to date: “Remember the Cant”

Pretty Little Liars: Sooo… This one has a very personal backstory to it. And I might as well tell you, or otherwise you won’t understand why I – still – watch this show, when it’s gone so decidedly downhill along the years.
Once upon a time, I was still in high school. There was a girl in my class, who, like me, was binge-watching American TV shows before “binge-watching” was even a thing. Most kids in my class were concerned with going to parties over the weekend, going shopping… I was spending my money on the next dvd box I could get my hands on! Priorities, lemme tell ya. And here was this girl, we weren’t all that close, but when it came to TV shows… Man, we could tell stories?! It was great, you know?
When college came around, she went her way and I went mine. But we both studied at the same university, at the same Arts faculty. So from time to time, we’d pass each other in the hall way and go back to our one common topic: TV shows. She kept trying to persuade me to pick this up: a show about high school girls who were ridiculously pretty and constantly in danger from this threat called ‘A’. To be honest, it took me a long time to get interested, in the end the only reason I caved was because I had nothing to do during summer, so I decided to give it a go.
To my surprise – and her delight – I actually did like it! It was the grandest of shows, but it was alright. Pretty fun. Some good storylines and yeah, in the end, I was pretty captivated by it. So now we had another TV show to talk about – I couldn’t believe it when she told me she was a fan of Ezria, – Ezria of all things?! The most gross relationship ever aired on television, I kid you not. But fine, I could tolerate it. And in between our quick chats in the hallway, life continued.
Until it didn’t. Not for her. Because she died before her 21st birthday. She walked out of her door one day and suffered a heart attack. She fell on the sidewalk and her brain was deprived of oxygen for several minutes. She slipped into a coma. Days later, her family pulled the plug. And she passed away.
So that’s why I still watch, to this day, Pretty Little Liars. Even though the quality has severely gone down over the years. Even though the storylines are convoluted as hell. Even though no one looks that good in real life. I keep watching the show.
Because she can’t.

Best episode to date: Season 4, “Free Fall” – because it is FINALLY revealed what a creep Ezra is!!! Vindication, my friends, vin-di-ca-tion!
Best line to date: “Don’t look at me, I’m ready to hang a sign, ‘Bitch can see!'” because what else could it possibly be?

See you – hopefully tomorrow – for a Wednesday re-hash of all the best shows out there currently in this #PeakTV landscape.

Cheerio!

-L.

This show is UnREAL!

I have found my summer show. No. Scratch that – I have found the show that will etch 2015 in my tv-memory as particularly exceptional! So please, without further adieu, welcome to UnReal, a fictional show about what it’s like to film reality shows. More particularly, it parodies the years-old format of The Bachelor. It’s even written by someone who used to be a producer on The Bachelor – so now you can catch a relatively accurate glimpse of what that world could look like – in a fictional setting. Can you feel the meta?

So let’s get to the reasons as to why I bingewatched the first 9 episodes in one go…
Note: I only discovered it when 9 were available and next week’s already going to be the season finale, which is silently killing me already it’s so tragic! But thankfully I also immediately read the news that season 2 is already approved – thank you, Universe!
Anyways – why I love UnReal and you should too:

1) Meta! I love meta! Especially when it’s a parody on something I absolutely abhor – I don’t even see the point in reality tv. Not only is it not real – harr-di-harr-harr – but real life usually isn’t all that awesome anyways. Fiction is… Possibility. It’s dreams. It’s an endless world of beautiful endings. Why film real life? You want something entertaining, right? I don’t find it entertaining to watch people fight each other – unless I know it’s actually not real anyways. It’s not fun to see “real people” hurt each other – and trust me, that’s what gets you your ratings. It’s simply disgusting. And fiction is a way to let that pretty harsh world slide and find a better one. Even when it’s about reality, such as in this particular instance, it’s damn near awesome to watch.

2) Shiri Appleby! Since an amazing performance back in the late 90’s – oh Roswell, how I miss you – she hasn’t really been doing that many great things, if I’m honest. But she is bringing an absolutely stellar performance here! Gone are the perfect youthful good looks from her days in Roswell, but let’s bring in some actual wrinkles and bags under her eyes and generally a person who looks like a person. Not a person who looks like a cute actress – with too much make-up on once she gets older, but an actual person. So I’m really happy about that. And also, she’s just superb at nailing this anti-heroine persona she’s got going for her. Her character, Rachel, is someone who’s actually pretty evil, but you can’t help but love her, root for her and hope she gets her happy ending. And, ironically, she just seems so real here. Truly some exceptional acting, in my opinion.

3) The open and honest BLUNT fun! Omgosh hahaha, this show is hilarious! As I said, it’s based on The Bachelor – the show they’re shooting in this fictional universe is called “Everlasting” and the bachelor is aptly named “The Suitor” – and there is absolutely no political correctness in this series. “It’s about ratings people! And the winner is never a black woman. I can’t help it if America is racist.” Hahahaha! Stuff like that. All. The. Time. It’s absolutely hilarious, because it’s basically a bunch of conversations between people who have no social filters. Naturally, I feel at home in this show.

4) The romance. Let’s be honest. A girl loves a good romantic story – or perhaps not “romantic” per se, but more about… Something that feels like it could be real. No perfect dinner dates. No first looks that immediately mean love. No sweet kisses in these gorgeously cute settings. No looking absolutely stunning at all times. Instead we’ve got a woman recovering from a mental breakdown, working on basically no sleep, dressed like “a homeless wizard” and with the added benefit of having a mentally abusive mother to boot! We have a gorgeous suitor who needs to lose his bad reputation and prove to his father he can be successful on his own, but is often no more than a puppet strung along by different people. We have all these characters and none of them have it all together – which is very often what real life looks like, fictional though this is.

And that leads me to my point: this show just feels so real in its unreality. The crap they pull on their fictional show: I don’t know how much of it is completely made up and how much of it does happen in real life on The Bachelor. I do know that some of it is undoubtedly exaggerated, to add some extra drama of course. But the characters themselves? They are as real as anyone can be, given those situations they’re in. They may be actors and actresses, but if that was a real person in his/her real life, I have no doubt that’s who they’d behave like. And that’s some sweet meta, guys. That’s an amazing hook that’s got me watching until deep into the night! Shows like this don’t come around often. In my many years of bingewatching – and when I say “many”, I mean before it was even appropriately named “bingewatching” – there have not been a lot of shows where I literally could not let go and had to forego sleep to keep watching.

The last time I’ve been this excited about a new show was about 3 years ago when I first discovered the full first season of Teen Wolf and was able to watch that back to back. Trust me when I tell you… That was a good day. And so was the day when I discovered UnReal: if you are not watching this show, you are doing it wrong. If you have it on your “to-watch” list, you are doing it wrong. If you are watching something else at the minute, you are doing it wrong. Basically: stop reading my stupid blog and get your ass watching this show! Seriously, you are unreal.

And just something to get you started… You know, the first time you see an attractive guy (or woman) naked should be in some hot and intimate circumstances – one would hope. Real life is often different. And our Rachel simply hadn’t showered in a while, so… Hygiene first, the rest “whatev”. This show has no filter concerning speech, but also definitely not concerning personal propriety. Who gives a shit whether you’re basically a stranger and this needs to be a professional relationship: “I smell and you have a perfectly good working shower right here. If you happen to be in it at the moment, I’m unable to care, so just move over and let me get the soap!”
Seriously folks… I. LOVE. UNREAL!

True love: TV + L

Let me start off by saying that when I say “TV”, I don’t mean the actual TV screen, okay? A TV screen is simply a piece of machinery. It is not the godly thing we call TV. As for why I think it requires godly status, let’s take a look.

First of all, my pretty extensive knowledge of English – American accent included – does not come from my years at college. That is the official answer at job interviews of course, but it kinda skirts the truth a little bit. Because… I just watched a lot of TV as a kid. And boy that helped! So if/when you have children for yourself: watching TV does not make them stupid – not intentionally anyways – but it could possibly help them in their future development. As long as you stay away from the likes of VTM. Don’t go to VTM. Don’t ever go there. Not even for the Disney movies, for they will be dubbed. Damn VTM. Really just the worst. Your kids are better off never even touching a TV if you want to just hand them over to VTM. Just… No. Throw ’em outside and lock the door. Playing outside is beneficial for miniature people too. (Miniature people = kids)

Secondly, I love TV because of everything you can experience because of it. Not just fun and laughter, but pity, compassion, anger, joy… And, yeah, it’s also a lot of fun, that’s true. But mostly I just really love TV, because there’s nothing like a good fiction story – keep reality-tv awaaaay from me! – that will completely make you forget where you are or even what your name is… There’s only one thing that matters: the story playing on your screen. The characters making you empathize with them. It’s absolutely the best.

Right now I’m watching Suits. It’s not the most amazing show I’ve ever seen, but it sure is good. The characters are fun. And with that I mean “hot”, but I’m sure you understood my meaning. However, it’s not Patrick J Adams that keeps me coming back. Nor is it Gabriel Macht who’s got me all in a tizzy.
Though I am admitting to you all, right here, right now, that I cannot get enough of that man in a SUIT. It looks divine. There’s nothing better than a man, cleanly shaven, in the world’s most power-hungry, irresistible suit. Just… DAMN.

But no, the man who’s got me hooked like a kid loves cake is Rick Hoffman. Ladies & Gentlemen, I present to you: Louis Litt!

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Right. Louis. Of all characters on the show, it’s crazy-ass creepy Louis Litt! Louis Litt who’ll show you his muddy butt after his mud bath, simply for the purpose of making sure you will never eat again. Why? Because… Dude is the very embodiment of an awesome character. Not only is it impossible to like him since he’s being a dick half the time, but you cannot do anything but love him. He will frustrate you to no end, he will disappoint you, he will take your feelings and drag them across a muddy cobble-stoned street… And then, he will look all puppy-eyed and hurt, because actions have consequences and there is nothing more painful than Louis being sad. It’s just the best. He’s just the best.

So, just to be clear. I am a proud member of Team Litt. And if you disagree with that statement in any way… Be prepared. Because you ’bout to be Litt up!